But I Don't Want To.

Monday, 23 April 2018


Ever since Jackson was born, the first question on anyone's lips is "How is the sleeping?" And as any parent will know, the concept of a full night's sleep quickly becomes a thing of the past. Some parents are lucky and are blessed with a child who manages to sleep through fairly early on, others are up every couple of hours to nurse their babes. But for some reason, and I don't know who's fault this is, this is a misconception that babies have to sleep through the night. That they should. That if yours doesn't, there a bit of a dud. 

I've been finding that this is coming from either, people who haven't had babies or our parents/grandparents generation. And they're not too sweet about it either. I remember talking to someone about Jackson's sleep. I never complain. I mean sometimes I'm like, "gah jackson just sleep!" but I also know that he's pretty "normal." Which in baby world means that basically everything is normal. He does wake up quite a bit in night, especially recently, but it's because he's actually hungry - jumps on the boob, and falls asleep before he's finished. Anyway, I just said that he's up every 2-4 hours and straight away they go "you've gotta be tough Kate." Oh. Do I? Says who? You? Hmmm. They then proceeded to tell me that when they had their kids their father in law told them they have to be tough and let them cry it out. "And honestly Kate, my son is a great sleeper now because he learned pretty quick that we weren't gonna deal with that crap." Huh. "My wife found it pretty hard but I had had enough." Right.

Each to their own and I'm trying pretty hard not to criticise parenting styles because the truth is, we're all different - our situations, our parenting, our upbringing and our babies. So it's pretty understandable that we'd all parent differently too. But, please don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, that I have to do this. Don't make me feel like I'm being indulgent, that I'm spoiling my baby, that I'm creating bad habits. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't effect you in any way. At all!

See, while you're at home with your teenagers I'm in bed with my baby. While you're sleeping through the night, I'm getting up and feeding Jackson. When you have a sleep in, I'm changing his nappy, playing peekaboo, rocking him to sleep. What I'm doing as a parent has no effect on you whatsoever so you don't really have a say in how I choose to parent. Sure, crying it out might mean I get more sleep, but for me it feels wrong. I could implement a routine and add some structure into our lives so I'm in more control, but I prefer to just go with the flow and follow Jackson's signals. And if it doesn't seem like the right thing to do for us, then I'm pretty sure it isn't.

I understand where you're coming from. You just want it to be easier for me. You want to help. You are a parent and therefore have advice for a new one. But how about we lay off the "you should" and "you have to's." Let's rephrase it to "in my day," "oh man I remember when our kids were babies" and "have you tried." Perhaps then I'd be more likely to listen. When it comes down to it though, if I'm happy, if Rob's happy and if, most importantly, Jackson's happy, then that's all that matters to me. And we are. Honestly. I know that the constant waking is just a phase he's going through. I mean, it's bloody exhausting but I know developmentally it will get better. And in the mean time I'm just hoping that happens sooner rather than later but hey, we're on the Jackson ride so I'm just taking it as it comes.

And it suits us. We have found a freedom in no routine. He doesn't need a dark room to settle down and fall asleep. Yes he's fed or rocked to sleep but he gets there.  He's not fussy during the night. He's just hungry. So thank you for your advice. Thank you for thinking of us and wanting what's best. But, and I kinda feel like a dick for saying it, we're his parents and we know best. 

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