I'm Exhausted But I Feel Like Me.

Thursday, 1 March 2018


One of the most common pieces of advice you get as a first time parent is "sleep when the baby sleeps." Which sounds great right? Oh of course I'll catch up on sleep because my baby is going to sleep in their little bassinet by themselves for at least three hours so I'll have a nice wee snooze at the same time. Perfect.

Well. Unfortunately. Babies aren't aware of this plan of yours. They don't know that if they sleep in their bed then you can go and do the dishes. Or have a shower. Or have a nap yourself. They just know that they're tired, hungry, need a nappy change or want a cuddle. So unfortunately, unless you have a dream baby that does just what you want them to (please don't tell me they actually exist) the whole "sleep when your baby sleeps" thing just puts unrealistic pressure on you.

And that is why (and you might think I'm insane) I'm up at about 4.30-5am every morning. Voluntarily. But hear me out. I know for a fact (at this stage anyway) that Jackson will sleep for at least 3 hours after that first morning feed. Which is three blissful hours for me to do whatever I want.  Jackson is asleep. Rob's asleep. So it's just me. And sometimes, sleep isn't the priority. Yeah sure, I know it's important and you do need to rest, but sometimes it's not actually what you need.

There are three things that I HAVE to do everyday for me to feel like myself. That's it. Just three. If I can get them done then, regardless of how the rest of the day goes, I'll feel like me again. And it's have a poo. Shower (and wash my hair if I'm feeling fancy). And eat breakfast. In that order. If I can squeeze in a load of washing, or fill the dishwasher, or even have a quick vacuum then that's a bonus! Simple right? Only three little things but usually they make more of a difference to me than if I had an extra couple of hours of sleep.

I also think they help me feel a little less resentful towards him. Yes, that's a thing. Remember, your whole life has turned upside down and it takes a while to adapt from life before baby. Especially when it included leisurely lie-ins and doing everything at your own pace. But if I can manage to do those three things in the morning, I feel clean. I'm full. And I don't have a sore tummy. And then I can appreciate and enjoy my time with him, instead of thinking of all the things I have to do.

Eventually his sleep will stretch out a bit (so I hear) so I'm sure I'll get more of a solid chunk but if I don't.. That's okay. I've figured out what works for me and while you might think I'm crazy for trading sleep for house work or a shower, I've gotta do it. For myself. For my sanity. And when I feel like me, I'm giving Jackson a tired but happy and clean Mum rather than a grumpy, smelly one. I know what I'd prefer.

I'd love to hear if you've got a little routine or things that you need to do each day to feel like yourself? Surely I'm not the only one waking up at 4am to spring clean the house otherwise I'll lose my mind! 

2 comments

  1. I kinda just illustrated your point in my IG stories this morning! Up early, boob one kid (the not so good sleeper) knowing I have a good hour before the other one wakes up and I coffee and cookie. That coffee uninterrupted means the world to me.

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    1. I saw your story and thought we were on the same page this morning! Totally true though, and when we find those precious bits of uninterrupted time for ourselves, we've gotta make the most of them x

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