Having The Talk.

Thursday, 18 January 2018

From the sounds of it, The Talk is a real thing. There's a point that you get to, where all new parents have to let off a little steam and be honest with their partner. Where it all kinda comes out and you end up feeling a bit shit but mostly better that you know how each other are feeling and that you can move forward and hopefully get a bit more balance back. 

The Talk is where you and your partner don’t really realise that staying at home and looking after the baby isn't less or more tiring than his forty hour week, it's just different (and bloody hard work). And it can go both ways. Don’t downplay how hard it is to be at home. Yeah they’ve been working all day but if they offer to change a nappy or give you a break, take it.

The Talk is where you have to tell your partner that it would be great if he could take the baby for half an hour so you can have time to yourself, instead of them jumping straight on the playstation or TV. It’s important they have their time too but when you’ve been with your baby for 10 hours straight, you’re entitled to the first rest.

The Talk is where you let them know that you can't cook, clean AND look after the baby (and yourself) and it would be really great if they could just take a bit of responsibility and look after you. 

The Talk is where you realise that you've probably been undermining their parenting techniques because you’re Mum and you've been with the bub all day and you know your baby better than anyone else. Even though they're Dad, the master of baby settling and can probably teach you a thing or two.

The Talk is where your partner admits that he's been feeling resentful because you're the one that can feed the baby and no matter how hard they try, eventually the baby comes back to the boob (ie you.) And they feel left out or less important.

The Talk is where you have to explain that you being short or grumpy has nothing to do with them or the baby, you're just bloody tired.

The Talk is where you remind your partner that your life has done a complete flip and you don't even recognise it anymore. No more lazy lie ins, leisurely coffees or eight hour sleeps. You've gone from being able to be selfish, to barely making it into the shower most days. And while they enjoy their full nights sleep and ability to go out whenever they want, you just want to remind them how your life has changed.

The Talk is when it comes to your attention that your partner is also trying to wrap their head around being a parent and they are slowly understanding that they don't have the freedom they used to. No more just "popping down to the mall" or going out for dinner. There are bags to be packed, a baby to be feed and settled and hopefully put to sleep (because we all know that outings go a lot more smoothly when the baby is asleep). And if your little babe starts screaming in the car because they're hungry but they've also just pooed through their nappy, clothes and YOU, you come to the realisation that sometimes you've just gotta stay home.

The Talk is where you realise that, both of you have been harbouring some feelings of resentment and anger towards each other and you don't really like where your relationship is potentially heading.

The Talk is when you and your partner figure out that, being parents means different things for both of you but that doesn't mean that it won't work together. There are so many ways of parenting and there is no wrong or right, just different.

The Talk is when, at the end of the day, you do know how much you love each other, how much you love your baby and how much you want it all to work. So you compromise. You kiss. You hug. Maybe even a little fist pump? And you get it done. Because that's what being a parent is all about.

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